Two years ago…

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I remember June 7, 2011 like it all happened yesterday. From watching my little cousins play soccer to saying my last goodbyes, it has all come back to be again today. Driving home just after midnight on June 8, I felt calm and relieved. I sat up in bed for hours that night, distracted from everything else that was going on in my life, and couldn’t believe how true it was that life is too short.

I lost my Gran, Debbie Wilson, to lung cancer two years ago. I shouldn’t really say lost, because even though I don’t get to visit her on Christmas and chat on the phone anymore, I experience her presence constantly. She always manages to come through to me in one way or another.

I swear it feels like just last week that my family and I we’re sitting by her bed, talking, crying, loving and remembering her life. But even when your life feels like it’s at a halt it just keeps passing by, quietly and without warning.

Moving to my new apartment has brought up a lot of memories of my Gran. Over the last few months I’ve found books with her name neatly signed at the top, jewelry she once wore and have listened to songs she used to sign. I take it as a sign she’s thinking of me too.

A lot has changed since she passed away not only in my life, but in a lot of other people’s lives too. In a way, my Gran threaded our family together. She held us together for years, until that thread, too, became weaker and broke. Not everyone gets along as good as they used to, some people aren’t speaking to each other, and it’s really too bad.

Unfortunately, as we all know it, life still goes on whether we’re connected or not. People get older, people get sick, and their souls move on to the next stage of life. It’s hard to live life as though the people you love and care about won’t be there tomorrow, but it happens all too often that there is regret, there is sadness and the unsettling feeling of “I could have” or “should have”. I don’t really know what I’m trying to get out here, but I have a heavy heart for my Gran sometimes.  Everyone longs for the past.

All in all, my Gran has always taught me to forgive and to love unconditionally. As I get older and reach new and exciting stages in life, she still teaches me lessons, she’s there when I make mistakes, and she’ll always be there for those special moments regardless if it’s in person or spirit.

I miss her. We all miss her. She was such a wonderful and beautiful woman. I’ll always strive to have a caring heart and a good soul just like she did and treat people with respect and love. I won’t grieve the loss of her physical being, but rather celebrate her soul and everything she stood by.

I love you Gran.

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